All day today I've had cramp in my little toe, I'm not even joking, it KILLS.
Anyway, today has been a utterly crap day. I didn't end up going to that interview up town at 10am, I honestly didn't feel very well and do you think my parents believed me? Ha, don't be silly. (:
There's not a lot to say today, went to sleep around 5pm, my Dad woke me up for some chips and my parents had ate them all by the time I got downstairs, soo.
Today's been crap, basically.. haha.
ANYWAY, it'll be a more fuller blog tomorrow.
Amy. x
Wednesday 25 January 2012
Tuesday 24 January 2012
Sleep and Depression
So, tody was like any normal day, family hating on me, 'friends' not communicating with me whatsoever - apart from this guy I think I like... ANYWAY, and tomorrow is my mom's day off from work and I have to be up town at like 10am then we're going shopping with my Grandparents and, yeah busy day tomorrow, and yet.. me being a complete arsehole, I decide that tonight was the PERFECT time to catch up with The Vampire Diaires (Which I love.. I have this love for most things to do with supernatural beings, I read twilight, true blood, TVD, and these books called The House of Night series..)
Anywho.. I have trouble with sleeping anyway and it's like... almost midnight and do you think I'm tired? Don't be silly, ofcourse I'm not. My parents are actually going to murder me if I don't get my body clock back to normal, but I keep telling them that it's NOT that easy, it's not like I can wind it up and choose which time I want it to allow me to fall asleep. Like last night I didn't sleep till 6am, got up at 11am and yet I'm not tired? The other night I went to sleep at like 7pm and woke up at 3am, went back to sleep at 7am and didn't get up till like 1/2pm? Weird right?
It's messed up and yet they don't understand that I have a problem with sleeping. I try lying in the dark with my eyes closed like my mom constantly tells me to do, but I just end up getting bored or I'm there for hours waiting for sleep to come but it doesn't. My brother, when he lived here, didn't sleep, had his light on all day and night and my mom and Dad never woke him up when he was asleep, but because he's disabled and has 'sleep deprivation' I'm being treated differently. He's deaf, I don't think I said, and all my life I've been put second best because his needs are more important than mine, he also has ADHD so I've had to put up with his crap and his mood swings, and yet if I even breathe the wrong way I'm shouted at.. life sucks basically and even now that he's moved out, I'm still the least important child. I sound like a spoilt brat, but I can't help it.. I'm expected to go find a job and help pay the bills and yet he's moved out and gets 100-odd pound a week just for being deaf.
Sometimes I wish I was the disabled one, y'know?
Ahwell. I'm going to TRY and go to sleep. Doesn't look like I'll be able to so I'll probably end up crashing at like 5am then get woken up at 8/9 to get ready to go out.. Ha. I'll try and have an early night tomorrow night, my parents will probably end up waking me up, though, sooo. I doubt it'll happen.. (:
Amy. x
Anywho.. I have trouble with sleeping anyway and it's like... almost midnight and do you think I'm tired? Don't be silly, ofcourse I'm not. My parents are actually going to murder me if I don't get my body clock back to normal, but I keep telling them that it's NOT that easy, it's not like I can wind it up and choose which time I want it to allow me to fall asleep. Like last night I didn't sleep till 6am, got up at 11am and yet I'm not tired? The other night I went to sleep at like 7pm and woke up at 3am, went back to sleep at 7am and didn't get up till like 1/2pm? Weird right?
It's messed up and yet they don't understand that I have a problem with sleeping. I try lying in the dark with my eyes closed like my mom constantly tells me to do, but I just end up getting bored or I'm there for hours waiting for sleep to come but it doesn't. My brother, when he lived here, didn't sleep, had his light on all day and night and my mom and Dad never woke him up when he was asleep, but because he's disabled and has 'sleep deprivation' I'm being treated differently. He's deaf, I don't think I said, and all my life I've been put second best because his needs are more important than mine, he also has ADHD so I've had to put up with his crap and his mood swings, and yet if I even breathe the wrong way I'm shouted at.. life sucks basically and even now that he's moved out, I'm still the least important child. I sound like a spoilt brat, but I can't help it.. I'm expected to go find a job and help pay the bills and yet he's moved out and gets 100-odd pound a week just for being deaf.
Sometimes I wish I was the disabled one, y'know?
Ahwell. I'm going to TRY and go to sleep. Doesn't look like I'll be able to so I'll probably end up crashing at like 5am then get woken up at 8/9 to get ready to go out.. Ha. I'll try and have an early night tomorrow night, my parents will probably end up waking me up, though, sooo. I doubt it'll happen.. (:
Amy. x
Monday 23 January 2012
The Basics..
So, I thought I'd start a blog seeing as my day to day life can get pretty hectic and I had a thought the other day that if I started a blog, I could put down my moans.. which I do have a lot on a day to day basis.. and then everything is out of my system and I can end up being a happier person. (:
So, lets start with the basics (: I'm Amy, I'm 19, I'm unemployed and currently looking for work - I'm not ashamed to say that, either, because all of us are unemployed at some point- I live with my parents (Carole & Chris) and my two pets (Bob - Dog, Pepper - Cat.. and they HATE eachother..) Um, I have a brother called Lee who's recently moved into a flat with his friend (thank God) and.. yeah that's about it.
I don't have THAT many friends, well I have people that talk to me every now and again, but they can hardly be called friends. Some I've known for ages, and they only want me when THEY want something, and some I've known about 2 years at the least and even they don't talk to me. I don't know what it is I do, I just seem to drive them away (: I'm not happy to say that I haven't got that many friends, but I'm happy to say that I have a great family unit so I don't mind all that much. My best friend doesn't hardly speak to me, she is amazing and we do get on really well when we do speak but it's not that often that we do anymore. BUT I'm a happy person really, I just moan about a lot of things. Haha, that sounds weird I just do.
Everyone just seems to have their own lives now, and seem to be moving on and here I am.. the same place as I was a year ago never moving forwards, never moving backwards.. I feel like my lifes a game of Stuck In The Mud which everyone's abandoned but me, and there I am standing like a fool with my arms spread wide waiting for someone to come and free me so I can run off.
WELL There's the first moan of the blog.. plenty more to come.. haha.
I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need somewhere where I can put my moans, worries and things that upset me, and never have to worry about that one day where I explode and all my emotions come falling out at once.
RIGHT I think that's it for the first blog. I'll post another one tomorrow (:
Amy x
So, lets start with the basics (: I'm Amy, I'm 19, I'm unemployed and currently looking for work - I'm not ashamed to say that, either, because all of us are unemployed at some point- I live with my parents (Carole & Chris) and my two pets (Bob - Dog, Pepper - Cat.. and they HATE eachother..) Um, I have a brother called Lee who's recently moved into a flat with his friend (thank God) and.. yeah that's about it.
I don't have THAT many friends, well I have people that talk to me every now and again, but they can hardly be called friends. Some I've known for ages, and they only want me when THEY want something, and some I've known about 2 years at the least and even they don't talk to me. I don't know what it is I do, I just seem to drive them away (: I'm not happy to say that I haven't got that many friends, but I'm happy to say that I have a great family unit so I don't mind all that much. My best friend doesn't hardly speak to me, she is amazing and we do get on really well when we do speak but it's not that often that we do anymore. BUT I'm a happy person really, I just moan about a lot of things. Haha, that sounds weird I just do.
Everyone just seems to have their own lives now, and seem to be moving on and here I am.. the same place as I was a year ago never moving forwards, never moving backwards.. I feel like my lifes a game of Stuck In The Mud which everyone's abandoned but me, and there I am standing like a fool with my arms spread wide waiting for someone to come and free me so I can run off.
WELL There's the first moan of the blog.. plenty more to come.. haha.
I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need somewhere where I can put my moans, worries and things that upset me, and never have to worry about that one day where I explode and all my emotions come falling out at once.
RIGHT I think that's it for the first blog. I'll post another one tomorrow (:
Amy x
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